A mother-daughter journey into mental health
Plus: A grand birthday for a piece of uptown art; Toppman ballet review; CMPD shooting; Business Alliance CEO search continues
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From struggles to strength: Haley Weaver’s illustrated memoir and Kate Weaver’s advocacy unite to raise awareness for mental health
In “Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety,” Haley Weaver (right) describes her generalized anxiety disorder as a “permanent, imperfect roommate.” Here, she sits with her mother, Kate Weaver. (Photo by Ken Garfield)
by Ken Garfield
To say that their journey began soon after Haley Weaver was born is no exaggeration.
“My parents tried to return me to the hospital,” Haley says, kidding of course.
“She was a fussy baby,” Kate Weaver says, no kidding there.
Thirty-one years later, mother and daughter could not have imagined that their love and struggles would inspire them to help others cope with mental illness.
Haley has published an illustrated memoir about her lifetime of anxiety. Kate closed her portrait photography business after 20 years to volunteer with the Charlotte chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Earlier this year, she was named its first executive director.
With Haley in Seattle and Kate in Charlotte, they are separated by 2,818 miles. In a heartbeat, their shared calling unites them.
Childhood struggles, adult worries: Anxiety clouds Haley’s first memories of growing up in Charlotte. Her parents would go on a date night and she’d wonder if they were coming back. At Myers Park Traditional School, she’d linger at the door of her kindergarten class, waiting for other kids to hide behind before walking into the classroom. Tags on her clothes had to be removed, they bothered her so much. She threw tantrums. She bit the inside of her cheeks as a child, her scars proof that the nervous habit lingers to this day.
As the first of their three children, this was new to Britt and Kate Weaver. From medication to talk therapy to practicing as much patience as possible, they did all the right things. Haley graduated from South Mecklenburg High, then Gettysburg College in Pennsylvania in 2015 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English literature. She swam competitively from age 5 through college. She was drawn to the fellowship and the routine. She loved how it made her feel physically. But still, she suffered from performance anxiety.
In 2017, she moved to Seattle in search of something. She had grown listless after two years of living in Charlotte following college.
Having long found solace in writing and illustrating, Haley bares her soul in “Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety.” She describes her generalized anxiety disorder as a “permanent, imperfect roommate.” In words and color illustrations, anxiety looks like a bug and talks like Haley’s better angel, turning her away from alcohol, internet rabbit holes, making excuses for her behavior and other unhealthy pursuits.
Life today is good, or at least better. The book has garnered national attention. Haley is newly married to Gideon. She laughs easily. She’s working on her next book, about what romantic love looks like. Still, she readily admits, the battle is far from won. “I worry about everything.”
A career shift: Who knows how many of Kate’s portraits of babies and families hang over fireplaces in Charlotte? She loved taking photographs that would last a lifetime. She loved Haley more.
First, she and Britt took the eight-week “Family To Family” class offered by NAMI Charlotte. The nonprofit’s signature program helps families manage stress, communicate with their troubled loved one, handle crises and find and use support services.
Then Kate trained as a support group facilitator, closed her business and began volunteering with NAMI Charlotte. Now, she’s the first and only staff member — an Energizer Bunny recruiting volunteers to teach classes, raising money and, most importantly, raising awareness of the impact that mental illness has on more loved ones, friends, neighbors and work colleagues than we know.
As Kate puts it, “I don’t want other families having to go through this alone.”
As Haley puts it, speaking of her mom’s mission, “I’m glad that my anxiety could fuel something good.”
A mother-daughter bond: Precious are those moments when Kate and Haley can be together as advocate and author, mother and daughter.
Over coffee and conversation while Haley was in town recently to speak at Queens University of Charlotte, Kate recalled buying reams of computer paper, crayons and markers when Haley was 4 years old and giving her license to draw. A blank canvas upon which to express herself, her mother called it.
When they were old enough, her siblings, Charlotte and Graham, joined her at the kitchen table. Who knew that Haley would grow up to share her demons in words and drawings? “Haley’s superpower,” Kate says.
Haley mentions the challenge of seasonal depression. So where does she settle? In Seattle, which averages 150-plus rainy days a year. She acknowledges the irony.
They each agree on the merits of therapy, and the need for society to shatter the stigma surrounding it.
They talk daily by phone, a comforting routine that stirs Haley’s younger brother to ask, “What can you possibly talk about?”
Mostly, at this point in their journey, words aren’t necessary. Kate and Haley just look at each other and smile.
Mental Health: At a glance
National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that one in five U.S. adults experience some form of mental illness each year.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 12.5% of U.S. adults age 18 and over deal with regular feelings of worry, nervousness or anxiety.
NAMI Charlotte (www.namicharlotte.org) offers free support groups, classes, resources and special events. A two-mile community walk to raise awareness of the mental health crisis starts at 10 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 26, at Mint Museum, 2730 Randolph Road.
“Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety” (Avery) is available at bookstores nationwide and online. Reach Haley Weaver at www.haleydrewthis.com.
Facing a mental health emergency? Call 911 or the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Ken Garfield writes often about mental health. He also writes obituaries, including in The Ledger’s weekly Ways of Life newsletter. Reach him at garfieldken3129@gmail.com.
Today’s supporting sponsor is Landon A. Dunn, attorney-at-law in Matthews:
A milestone birthday: ‘Il Grande Disco,’ one of Charlotte’s oldest art installations, turns 50
DISC-OVERING A NEW DECADE: “Il Grande Disco” was one of the first uptown art installations when it took its place on Tryon Street 50 years ago this month.
In a city that celebrates newness, here’s a birthday worth noting: “Il Grande Disco,” the bronze disc sculpture that stands 15 feet in diameter at the prominent Bank of America Plaza uptown, turns 50 this month.
The art piece, which was dedicated on Oct. 2, 1974, was created by Italian artist Arnaldo Pomodoro and was designed to speak to the growth and energy of the city.
In its early years, the sculpture rotated on an internal axis and could spin with the touch of a hand. Years later, changes were made to make it stationary (some say it was to conform to requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act), and it’s now on a slightly raised platform. There are a handful of other “Il Grande Disco” sculptures installed across the world, including ones in Milan and Chicago.
In the Oct. 3, 1974 edition of the Charlotte Observer, the newspaper’s editorial writers said in a column that the disc “makes a powerful statement. People stand to view it in awe. It looks as if the layout of a city were etched across its polished face, with streets and buildings radiating outward from a central core.”
Anne Low, who created and founded the nonprofit ArtWalks CLT, marveled at how much uptown Charlotte has changed around “Il Grande Disco” in the five decades it was installed.
“Charlotte was a teeny tiny town back then, but boy did it have big ambitions,” Low said. “Having a piece that marks that territory has become very symbolic of what it [Charlotte] would become.”
Low has been an instructor of art appreciation at Central Piedmont Community College for years, and she always made a point to include “Il Grande Disco” when she took students on public art walking tours.
“They always loved that piece — mostly because you can touch it, of course. You can feel the different textures and what [Pomodoro] was trying to say with it,” Low said. “It is a pretty engaging piece. Let’s just say it’s held up.”
➡️ To see “Il Disco Grande” and other uptown art pieces, check out ArtWalks CLT’s self-guided tour of uptown Trade and Tryon artwork.
—Cristina Bolling
Review: In 'Beyond the Surface,' Charlotte Ballet delves deep with three works that inspire appreciation, puzzlement and surprise
Ledger arts critic Lawrence Toppman attended Friday night’s opening performance of Charlotte Ballet’s “Beyond the Surface” at the McBride-Bonnefoux Dance Center on North Tryon Street.
In his review for The Ledger, Toppman writes:
Titles in modern dance can be painfully oblique, making us wrack our brains without success. (Choreographers’ statements or lack thereof in playbills often serve the same function.) What, for example, does “Beyond the Surface” mean? If you go beyond the surface of our planet — not beneath it — you lift off into space. Is that the idea?
Search online for “Balúm,” and you get a misspelled name for a Mayan jaguar god. The title “HdrM” is impenetrable: Does it stand for “hold down and release mechanisms” that maintain satellite components? But attempts to find meaning and appreciation of fine movement needn’t go hand in hand.
Or, sometimes, lack of movement. One character in De Jesús’ piece remains completely still, holding an umbrella, until she performs a brief, crucial action at last. “Balúm” may seem especially poignant to a state crippled last week by a terrible deluge: It’s about the way the elements have their way with us, forcing us to stand together or be blown away alone.
Check out Toppman’s full review, with information if you want to go:
Mountain Updates: Sign up for our new free email on the crisis and recovery in the N.C. mountains
We started a new pop-up newsletter last week focusing on Western North Carolina. It is called Mountain Updates and aims to get you up to speed quickly on the latest news on the effects of the flooding — and the recovery that’s underway.
So far, we’ve explored topics including the election, the outlook for fixing roads, tourism effects and much more, while also linking to coverage in other media.
Mountain Updates comes out every afternoon. If you want to receive it, you need to sign up for it on your Account Settings.
➡️ The most recent issues can be found online here.
You might be interested in these Charlotte events
Events submitted by readers to The Ledger’s events board:
TUESDAY: “A Conversation with Vice Chair Philip Jefferson of the Federal Reserve,” 7:30-9 p.m., Davidson College Tyler-Tallman Hall. Philip Jefferson, Vice Chair of the Federal Reserve Board of Governors and former Dean of Faculty/Vice President of Academic Affairs, will return to Davidson College and deliver remarks at 7:30 p.m. in Tyler-Tallman Hall. Free, but registration required.
TUESDAY: “‘Trustworthy’: A Documentary Screening and Community Conversation,” 6-8 p.m., 1801 Oaklawn Ave. An event hosted by QCityMetro will screen the 69-minute documentary “Trustworthy,” which explores how we can become better consumers of news and information consumers and come together to rise above the misinformation. It will be followed by a community conversation. Free.
OCTOBER 19: Pop Up Picnic, 4-7 p.m., Ballantyne’s Backyard, 11611 N. Community House Road, Charlotte. Enjoy an evening outside at this free, family-friendly picnic. Pre-purchase a picnic, bring your own, or get a meal from a food truck to enjoy while listening to live music. RSVP requested. Benefiting Catawba Lands Conservancy and Carolina Thread Trail. Presented by Ally. Free.
➡️ List your event on the Ledger events board.
🎥Coming up at the Independent Picture House
For two days only this week, see the ENO, the new documentary about the visionary musician and artist Brian Eno. Known for producing David Bowie, U2 and Talking Heads, among many others; pioneering the genre of ambient music; and releasing over 40 solo and collaboration albums — this documentary reveals Eno's creative processes in a groundbreaking generative documentary: a film that’s different every time it’s shown.
ENO will be screened at The Independent Picture House on Tuesday, Oct. 8 and Thursday, Oct. 10. Each screening will be a different version of the film!
Tickets ($12.45 + tax) + more info here.
In brief:
CMPD officer shoots and injures man in east Charlotte: A Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police officer shot and critically injured an armed man in east Charlotte after a brief struggle on Thursday night in the 1300 block of West Sugar Creek Road. Police said the man had two guns and has “an extensive violent criminal history including attempted murder and murder.” (Observer)
Business Alliance CEO search continues: The search for a new CEO to lead the Charlotte Regional Business Alliance is taking longer than expected. The organization had hoped to name a new leader by the end of September, but the board vice chair says the search is ongoing and the board isn’t “going to rush it.” Interim CEO Andrea Smith will stay on until a new leader takes over as a full-time replacement for Janet LaBar, who left in May. (Biz Journal, subscriber-only)
Wealthiest ZIP code: Charlotte’s wealthiest ZIP code is 28207, which includes part of the Myers Park and Eastover neighborhoods. The ZIP code’s per-capita income is more than $180,000, according to an analysis by the Charlotte Business Journal (subscriber-only).
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Executive editor: Tony Mecia; Managing editor: Cristina Bolling; Staff writer: Lindsey Banks; Business manager: Brie Chrisman