More couples are calling it quits
Divorce lawyers and therapists weren't busy early in the pandemic, but now business is back 'with a vengence'; stats show spikes in divorce, separation filings
This article was published in The Charlotte Ledger e-newsletter on September 16, 2020. To receive the latest local business-y news and trends straight to your inbox, sign up for free here.
Divorce attorneys, therapists are seeing higher demand as pandemic takes its toll on couples
Charlotte area divorce attorneys and couples therapists say they’re seeing more demand as marriages strain under the weight of the pandemic. (Photo by Eric Ward/Unsplash)
by Cristina Bolling
Here’s another example of how Covid is fraying our family nests — the number of couples seeking divorces and marital help are on the rise.
This should come as no surprise. Many couples are stuck under the same roof 24-7, struggling with unemployment or lost wages and virtual learning childcare duties. And they’re missing their social outlets, exercise regimens and daily schedules.
Spouses who previously traveled non-stop for work have remained grounded for the last six months. For some couples that were already crumbling before quarantine, all this time together has cemented the decision — it’s time to break up.
Charlotte divorce attorney and mediator Ketan Soni’s phone was quiet during April and May, but once June hit, business came roaring back. Now, his divorce caseload is maxed out, and he spends many of his days bouncing between Zoom mediations helping couples and attorneys iron out divorce cases.
“It feels like it did in 2008 when there was an economic downturn. People think, ‘Oh my God, life’s too short. I have to get out and make sure I’m living my best life,’” Soni said.
Mediations via Zoom: Like many aspects of business, mediations are happening largely over Zoom. Soni manages the mediations by putting each couple and attorney in separate Zoom “rooms” and bouncing back and forth between them to come to agreements.
A big theme in the mediations, he says, is how to handle kids’ schooling — which parent will stay home with the virtual learners, or who will homeschool or pay for private school.
Many couples decide to put a temporary “Band-Aid” on custody or support arrangements, with an agreement to revisit them in a few months when perhaps schools reopen or other aspects of life get closer to normal, Soni said.
Demand for divorce coaching: Ann Kreindler-Siegel helps couples navigate divorce through her practice called “Gently-Transition.” She saw the number of couples seeking help dip in March and April, but says it has since come back “with a vengeance.”
Early in the pandemic, “people who were thinking about separating were afraid to separate. Where would they live? How would they do it?” she said.
But all that has changed since May.
“I have had people literally banging down the door to get their separation agreements done as fast as possible,” she said. “Some couples decided to try to stay together. But many couples who were having trouble before are having 10 times more trouble now, because they’re together that much more of the time.”
“Strong marriages have gotten stronger,” she said. “Marriages that were on the rocks before have reached a breaking point.”
Kreindler-Siegel says it’s hard to say whether the numbers of couples she’s helping would have been higher or lower if the pandemic hadn’t happened, but she said the couples who come to her to separate “are more in a rush to separate now.”
Numbers on the rise: Divorce and separation statistics for Mecklenburg County bear that out.
A Ledger analysis of court filings from July 2019-June 2020 related to couples separating and divorcing shows that filings dropped during the start of the pandemic but have picked up in all areas except child support and alimony.
June, the month with the latest data, had the highest number of divorces on record in the last 12 months both state and county wide. Other more real-time markers of relationship trouble like custody and domestic violence, which Soni calls the “meat and potatoes” of what divorcing couples go through, are also on the rise.
Couples seeking a divorce must be separated for one year before they can be granted an “absolute divorce,” so divorces filed during the pandemic were already underway before March. And the higher June numbers likely represent a rebound from lower numbers in March through May.
But they represent couples who during the pandemic decided, in the words of pop star Taylor Swift, that they are “never, ever getting back together.”
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