Small talk made easier

Plus: The news of the week — CMS improves on academic growth metrics; Texts show councilman pressured police chief; DMV license services halted by computer problems; Church builds housing for homeless

Nov 16, 2024

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Fear not! From breaking the ice to leaving on a high note, here are 10 ways to chat with strangers at your next business or social gathering.

Do a little homework beforehand, and networking events will be less stressful. Listen more than you talk, include others — and know when a conversation is over.

by Colleen Brannan

It’s funny how we’re warned as children not to talk to strangers, yet as adults, daily life demands it.

Friends and clients often tell me how daunting it is to strike up conversations with people they don’t know. I wouldn’t call myself an expert, but after 30+ years in public relations, I’ve become fearless when it comes to chatting with strangers.

Here are 10 things I’ve learned that may help you become more confident making small talk and connecting:

Do your homework: For networking events, check the attendee list in advance, often available on the registration site, to identify people you want to connect with. If meeting someone new, find their photo so you know who you’re looking for. I learned this the hard way when I was meeting a woman named Gay for breakfast. Not knowing what she looked like, when a lost-looking woman walked in, I confidently asked, “Are you Gay?” It wasn’t her and the woman I approached was not amused.
Find common ground quickly: Something brought you and your conversation partner into the small-talk ring so determine that quickly with easy questions such as “Are you a member of XYZ organization?” or “What brings you here?” It’s the business equivalent of, “Do you know the bride or groom?” at a wedding. If you don’t know each other, and you’ve done your homework, try referencing shared connections on LinkedIn or other social media.
Invite and deliver deeper responses: Avoid yes or no questions and answers to keep the conversation flowing. If someone asks where you’re from, share a bit about your path to Charlotte but be brief and follow up with “How about you?” Short anecdotes can make you relatable or intriguingly quirky. I like to explore guilty pleasures and share mine, such as true crime TV shows, my favorite color purple — recently taken to new extremes with my new Purple Jeep Wrangler — or how I love to read celebrity gossip tabloids on vacation.
Google before you go: Before one-on-one networking lunches, I typically check someone’s LinkedIn profile or Google them under “News.” A favorite icebreaker of mine is “What did you learn about me from Google? Hopefully, it’s something benign, like ‘I didn’t know you were a Gamecock.’” If they don’t take the bait, I tell them something I learned about them like “I didn’t know you played soccer in college.”
Use humor with caution: Joking around with strangers can go over like a skunk at a picnic, so it’s best to start light. I like to lead with self-deprecation. Tales of wearing mismatched shoes from being color blind, or my maiden name Cotter (cue Sweathog jokes) usually do the trick. A well-timed joke here or there shows you’re fun, but a collection of one-liners can come across as more of a stand-up routine.
Have a good memory (or take notes): I’m not the best at remembering names and believe we would all be better off wearing name tags, all day, every day. Recalling details about people helps you pick up where you left off. While hilarious, I don’t recommend “The Office’s” Michael Scott’s mnemonic device for remembering names, but knowing someone’s employer or alma mater helps a lot.
Include the introvert: It’s easy to spot more reserved attendees who may feel out of place. These quieter individuals often appreciate being included in conversation and will remember the person who made the effort to engage them. Start with open-ended, low-pressure questions like “Have you been to this event before?” or “Do you know many people here?” If that goes well, move on to lighter topics like asking about their favorite podcast or latest Netflix binge, saying you are looking for new recommendations.
Listen more than you talk: Truly listen when people talk instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next. Being chatty doesn’t always mean you’re a good conversationalist. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s the best vacation you’ve ever taken?” or “Has your company returned to the office?” Embrace pauses to let your conversation partner thoughtfully respond.
Know when the conversation is over: People don’t attend networking events to spend all of their time with just one person. Don’t monopolize anyone’s time or let them hijack yours since you, too, went there with a purpose. Have polite exit lines ready. “The Drink Refresh” and “The Table Find” are timeless, but I prefer “The Hand Off,” where you make a key introduction and slip away with a quick, “I’ll let the two of you get acquainted.”
Resist the urge to follow up immediately: It’s fine to have a great conversation without firing off a LinkedIn request from the parking deck. The magic happens the next time you meet, referencing a detail from your last chat like asking, “How did college applications go for Jane?” and “Tell me about your trip to Cabo,” which shows you listened.

Whether you’re networking, interviewing or mingling at a party, the key to interesting conversation is balance. Ask engaging questions, listen actively, use humor (sparingly), and don’t worry about the occasional pause. Now go out there and become the most memorable person in the room!

Colleen Brannan, a 30+ year award-winning public relations professional comes from a long line of talkers and is always up for a great conversation. If you want to practice your newfound small talk skills or share your own conversation tips, find her on LinkedIn or drop a line to colleen@branstorm.com

Today’s supporting sponsor is VIA Health Partners. Through Journeys, our personalized approach to serious illness care, we provide ongoing symptom relief, quality of life enhancement, and 24/7 access to a dedicated team of healthcare professionals wherever you call home. Your journey. Your care. Our priority. Journeys from VIA Health Partners.

This week in Charlotte: Country Day coach arrested; Huge Providence Road development clears hurdles; John Boy & Billy leave the airwaves; Mountain summer camps are hustling to make repairs

On Saturdays, The Ledger sifts through the local news of the week and links to the top articles — even if they appeared somewhere else. We’ll help you get caught up. That’s what Saturdays are for.

Education

High marks for CMS academic growth: (Observer) In the last school year, 83% of schools in Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools met or exceeded their targets for academic growth, the highest number the district has ever had. “We’re just super, super proud about that,” a district official said.
Indecent liberties charges against Country Day coach: The 39-year-old cross-country and track coach at Charlotte Country Day School was arrested and charged with two counts of indecent liberties with a female student. Court documents also say that Country Day acknowledged that it had been told of an “inappropriate relationship” involving Elliott and a different student in 2023. The school said in letters to parents that it notified police promptly about the 2024 incident and fired the coach, and that it was not aware of allegations against Elliott prior to the 2024 allegations. (Read the police affidavit)

Politics

Pressure exerted on police chief via text: (WFAE) Text messages between Charlotte City Council member Tariq Bokhari and Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Johnny Jennings show the extent to which Bokhari pressured the chief to allow officers to wear outer-carrier bulletproof vests, which the chief had resisted. Bokhari wrote: “I will not stop and it will cripple your legacy you’ve worked so hard for.” A few weeks later, CMPD switched course and allowed officers to wear the vests.
Nail-biter on judicial race: (Associated Press) As provisional and absentee ballots continue to be counted, the race for associate justice on the N.C. Supreme Court appears to be a nail-biter. After 91 of 100 counties reported final results Friday, Democrat Allison Riggs was leading Republican Jefferson Griffin by 24 votes out of more than 5.5 million cast — reversing a Griffin lead of about 10,000 votes on Election Day. A Democratic victory would keep the court’s balance at 5 Republicans and 2 Democrats.

Local news

Big boost for massive Providence Road development: As the Ledger reported in this week’s Charlotte Commercial Real Estate Whispers column, Charlotte city staff are recommending in favor of three coordinated rezonings that would bring nearly 2,200 apartments and townhomes to the Providence Road corridor near the intersection of Old Providence Road. Residents say they’re worried it’ll worsen already bad traffic problems in the area.
Computer problem cripples DMV offices: (News & Observer) The N.C. Division of Motor Vehicles stopped processing driver’s licenses Thursday at all of its 112 driver’s license offices because of statewide computer troubles.
Charlotte finale for John Boy and Billy: After 38 years, “The Big Show” with John Boy and Billy aired its final episode Friday morning. The owner of 99.7 The Fox, iHeart Media, isn’t saying why they are leaving the air or what the replacement show will be. It will continue in other markets and online. (Observer)

Business

Extended term for business leader: (Biz Journal, subscriber-only) The interim CEO of the Charlotte Regional Business Alliance, Andrea Smith, will remain on the job into at least early 2025 as the business organization continues to look for a permanent replacement.
Guilty plea in fraud case: (U.S. Department of Justice) Florida businessman Greg Lindberg pleaded guilty in Charlotte to defrauding insurance regulators and policyholders in what prosecutors called a “predatory financial scheme.” He faces 15 years in prison and is also awaiting sentencing on charges he tried to bribe North Carolina’s insurance commissioner.

From the Ledger family of newsletters

Wednesday

From sanctuary to shelter: Caldwell Presbyterian Church in Elizabeth is embarking on a $6M project to transform classrooms on its campus into 21 studio apartments for the homeless. Rev. John Cleghorn, the church’s pastor, has written a book about the journey to create the housing, called Easter’s Home.
Plus: Charlotte Commercial Real Estate Whispers reveals juicy tidbits like what the closure of the Eastover Panera Bread on Providence Road might mean for the future of that block; A new podcast on the devastation in the N.C. mountains featuring The Ledger’s Lindsey Banks; Lawrence Toppman reviews “JaJa’s African Hair Braiding;” The Ledger rolls out its annual Charity Shout-Out.

Friday

Summer camps are in cleanup mode: The Western North Carolina mountains are home to a high concentration of summer sleepaway camps, and many are working hard to recover from damage sustained by Hurricane Helene. Some are also hosting relief workers who are aiding community recovery efforts.
Plus: The Ledger answers a reader’s question about Ballantyne’s boundaries; New all-terrain wheelchairs are coming to Mecklenburg County Park and Recreation facilities; Ledger staff visit The Sharon at SouthPark retirement community as a new partnership kicks off.

Mountain Updates

Tuesday: Six weeks after Hurricane Helene devastated Western North Carolina, much of the area looks shockingly the way it did right after the storm; A third hurricane relief package is in the works; A woman died after ignoring a road closed sign and driving off I-40 in Haywood County; The Biltmore Estate and the Grove Park Inn have both reopened.
Friday: Why restoring water service to Asheville is taking so long; Transportation officials say they’re on track for a partial reopening of I-40 near the North Carolina-Tennessee border by New Year’s Day

Ways of Life

Betty Edwards lived a life surrounded by people, from her 50-year career as a church receptionist to her social groups like the Lunch Bunch and her Porch Happy Hours. She died earlier this month at 97.

Fútbol Friday

Ledger sports writer Carroll Walton wraps up Charlotte FC’s season and breaks down how critical mistakes in the final minutes of Games 1 and 3 cost Charlotte FC the chance to advance deep in the MLS playoffs.

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