Ways of Life: 'We tell the story so someone else doesn't have to go through it'
Also remembered: A longtime secretary at Berryhill Elementary; an artist and retail fashion illustrator; a corporate turnaround specialist; a past president of the Charlotte Board of Realtors
You’re reading Ways of Life, a weekly obituaries newsletter from The Charlotte Ledger honoring our friends, neighbors and family members who made an impact on Charlotte through the ways they lived their lives.
Some bereaved parents, survivors find comfort in starting foundations, writing books, posting blogs
From left: William Burleson writes about his struggle with bipolar disorder. Sean Bonner Jr. passed away in 2018, and his parents founded Mission 34, a nonprofit that aims to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness. Nathan Kocmond took his life in 2017, leading his parents to start a foundation and write a book about Nathan. Matías Rosado took his life in 2021; in response, his parents started a foundation that promotes emotional wellbeing and resilience. (Photos courtesy of the families)
by Ken Garfield
Up until a year ago, I read the obituaries in The Observer and sent a personal letter to every family that had lost a son or daughter to suicide. Most people today share the cause of death in the obituary. If not, they often list a mental health initiative to support in memory of their loved one. We read that, and we understand. In these letters, I introduce myself and express sorrow for their loss. Then I encourage them to consider sharing their story. I believe there can be some measure of healing for those who do, and help for those who see their own child in the telling.
But I’ve stopped writing these letters. I can’t keep up with all the suicides of children.
I say “child.” Whether they are 12 or 24, they are still children to me.
In 2019, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported 6,488 suicides in the United States among those 10 to 24. That doesn’t include the thousands who attempted suicide and did not die as a result. In two age groups — 10 to 14 and 15 to 24 — suicide is the second-leading cause of death after unintentional injury. Ten years old. They should be lacing up their cleats for a youth soccer game, not looking for their father’s pistol.
A bully at school? Strife at home? A brain’s chemistry out of whack? We could talk for days about what’s behind it. Thank God the experts already are. And thank God so many institutions — schools, scouts, houses of worship, youth sports leagues and the like — are organizing mental health workshops, hiring counselors and keeping an eye out for those children suffering in the shadows.
But that’s not my focus here. I write to express my admiration for the families that have chosen to share their broken hearts. What Sean Bonner of Charlotte said to me
1 1/2 years ago for a column in SouthPark magazine resonates. “We tell the story so someone else doesn’t have to go through it.”
Sean and Heather Bonner lost their son, Sean Jr., to suicide on Nov. 7, 2018. Sean, a junior economics major at Denison University in Granville, Ohio, was 20 when he died by suicide at school. The Bonners believe an undiagnosed and untreated concussion may have led to depression. The tears will never dry. But once the Bonners wiped them away, they saw what they needed to do. They launched the nonprofit Mission 34 (www.mission34.org) to help eliminate the stigma that keeps too many people, particularly young people, from seeking help. Sean was a pitcher. No. 34 was the number on his baseball jersey at Denison. The Mission 34 goal is to help young people see that it’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help. The Mission 34 watchword: “A New Type Of Tough.”
Rafael and Rachel Rosado of Waxhaw lost their son, Matías, to suicide on July 17, 2021. He was 19. Matías’ journey started early in his teen years. He was an accomplished hockey player, graduated with honors from Marvin Ridge High School and attended UNC Chapel Hill all while working to overcome depression. With family support and professional help, he did everything he could to win the battle. The Matías Rosado Foundation (www.matíasrosadofoundation.org), which focuses on raising awareness and supporting youth sports as a healthy outlet, is his legacy. So is his family’s willingness to take on this effort.
Dr. Jon and Sarah Kocmond of Charlotte lost their 16-year-old son, Nathan, to suicide on Oct. 9, 2017. They believe a football-related concussion played a part. The Bonners and Rosados started a foundation. Dr. Kocmond, a pediatrician, wrote a book introducing us to Nathan. Its title reflects the solace he finds in his deep Christian faith — “S.O.S.: Spirit Over Shadows, Deliverance from Tragedy to Triumph through the Holy Spirit.”
William Burleson is 18. Each Sunday at 8:08 a.m., he posts the latest chapter in his journey toward mental health. His writing will stun you. See for yourself at www.williamburleson.substack.com. He began by recounting the December night he walked across the hall to his parents’ bedroom and told his father: “I need you to take me somewhere. I want to kill myself. I tried to get one of your guns today. I want to kill myself so much, and I don’t know why.” So far William has 4,000 subscribers. Reader responses are in the hundreds and rising. This is from a reader named Chad: “You are helping me to understand how my son felt/feels through your story.”
For those who have lost a child or other loved one to suicide, there is no “right” way to respond. If you choose to grieve privately, may it bring you peace, or at least respite from the pain. For those who choose to write a book, talk to a reporter, start a foundation or speak to a high school class, it must seem like torture when you can barely take your next breath. But if you decide that it’s the best way to save yourself and save others from this sort of hell, please take comfort in knowing we are listening.
Ken Garfield contributes to The Ledger’s Ways of Life weekly newsletter, which profiles someone who has recently died and shares a roundup of Charlotte-area obituaries. Reach him at garfieldken3129@gmail.com.
Other obituaries this week:
Kenneth Wilburn Adkins, 91, of Harrisburg moved to Charlotte and worked for Douglas Aircraft. He later was employed and retired from Whiting Machine Works where he worked in management. An Air Force veteran, he was chosen to play baseball in Japan during his military service. He was a phenomenal storyteller with a sharp memory and sense of humor. He had a joke for every occasion. Sometimes he could hardly get the punch line out for his own laughter. Ken loved gardening, animals, old movies and all kinds of music but especially gospel by the Cathedrals.
Byron Andrew Beach, 52, of Charlotte was an aircraft fueler for 30 plus years at Charlotte Douglas International Airport, employed by Menzies Aviation. From 1997, Byron was an active member of Cook’s Memorial Presbyterian Church in Charlotte and served as an elder. He graduated from South Mecklenburg High School.
Denver Lakin Board, 79, of Charlotte had a real estate career encompassing over 40 years for several companies, including Flouhouse McClave, Coldwell Banker Flouhouse and Keller Williams SouthPark. He served as president of the Charlotte Board of Realtors (now Canopy Realtor Association) in 1989. He was active in the State Association of Realtors and served on several national association committees. Denver won many awards for top sales volume and enjoyed mentoring and sharing his expertise with new agents. He belonged to Forest Hills Church and became involved at First Christian Church, serving as an elder. Denver was happiest on a ski slope and was a longtime leader in the Charlotte Ski and Snowboard Club (“Ski Bees”), serving in numerous roles, including president and western trip leader. Out West, he was known for his signature hat, cowboy boots and Tuesday night Margarita parties. He also enjoyed scuba diving, sailing and volleyball.
John T. “John Thomas, Da, Pop Pop” Carter, 81, of Charlotte moved to Charlotte after serving in the U.S. Army and worked for Merita Bakery, Bethlehem Steele, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools. He retired from the City of Charlotte. John enjoyed listening to the blues and country music, watching old westerns and riding his Harley Davidson.
Nancy Kendrick Christenbury, 93, of Charlotte went to work for Southern Bell at 19. She worked there nearly 20 years and then served as the secretary at Berryhill Elementary School for 23 years, retiring in the early 1990s. She was a member of Berryhill Baptist Church in Charlotte for 81 years, and served as a Sunday school teacher, GA leader and Bible school teacher. Nancy graduated from Berryhill High School. She loved sports and enjoyed watching the Hornets and Panthers. She enjoyed being outdoors, particularly spending time at the river cabin on Lake Wylie. As her mobility decreased, Nancy enjoyed sitting in the swing on her front porch, drinking a Mountain Dew, eating a Butterfinger and waving at the neighbors driving by.
Paul Albert Finan, 85, of Matthews was a longtime member of the Hospital Ministry at St. Gabriel Catholic Church in Charlotte, where he was a member for many years. He served two tours of duty in the Army Active Reserve, including extensive training for the Berlin crisis. Paul was an active runner and ran 10 marathons, including the New York City Marathon and the Jersey Shore Marathon.
Clebern Randolph Fincher, 85, of Matthews retired from Pelton & Crane in Charlotte in 1997. He served in the U.S. Air Force from 1954 to 1958, and further served in the Air Force Special Reserve until 1962. He enjoyed gardening and grew the best tomatoes around.
Joyce Harris Hendrix, 87, of Charlotte graduated from Myers Park High School in 1953 and did volunteer work at Charlotte Latin School for nine years and at the American Red Cross for six years. She was employed by Piedmont & Northern Railway Co. for several years.
Alma Pinyan Horne, 93, of Charlotte worked from the time she was a teenager and retired from Package Products Co. in Charlotte. Alma was a member of Commonwealth United Methodist Church. She devoted most of her time to caring for others and always put her family before herself.
Paul Michael Hoyle (Mike), 67, of Fort Mills, S.C., served as a deacon at Glenwood Drive Baptist Church and later at Bible Baptist Church in Charlotte. He volunteered with the children’s ministry and teen department and drove the church bus for a number of years. Mike spent most of his employment involved in the construction rental industry. As a teenager, he enjoyed JROTC at Olympic High School in Charlotte. He loved camping, fishing, playing games with his children and grandchildren and hiking.
Virgil Sharpe Hurley, 96, of Charlotte was a faithful member of First United Methodist Church in Charlotte. He served on many boards and committees over the years at First United Methodist Church and was head usher for 37 years. Virgil had a great love of music; a supporter of the Charlotte Symphony, he was a season ticket holder for over 50 years. He served in U.S. Navy as a hospital corpsman during World War II.
Carolyn Elmore Jeffers, 86, of Charlotte graduated from West Mecklenburg High School with the class of 1953. She worked for Mecklenburg County Vital Records, primarily handling birth certificates, and enjoyed a long career there until her retirement. Carolyn was a member of St. James United Methodist Church in Charlotte and was instrumental in their merger with Chadwick United Methodist Church. The newly joined church communities became known as Assurance United Methodist Church. At Assurance, she was a core member of Friendship Sunday School and the Women’s Care Circle. Carolyn was an avid reader and loved watching TV, especially enjoying reruns on TV Land and game shows.
Gregory Scott Kerr, 60, of Spencer graduated from East Mecklenburg High School in 1979 and from UNC Charlotte in 1983, where he earned a bachelor’s degree in computer science and lettered in track. He worked as a computer programmer at Computrol Inc. Greg enjoyed studying the Bible, listening to the Bible Broadcasting Network on the radio, writing reflections of his life, fishing and telling jokes.
Mary Jean Bridges Lentz, 98, of Stony Point served in during World War II as an employee of the Charlotte plant of the United States Rubber Co., working with other women to place detonators in anti-aircraft shells. She was a dedicated public school teacher in both South Carolina and North Carolina. She was a talented artist and an avid reader.
Josephine Scott Moore, 101, of Charlotte worked at S&H Green Stamps and Delmar Printing in Charlotte after her boys grew up. She attended St. Johns Baptist Church. For many years during the 80s, Jo provided home-cooked lunches for her husband’s employees and some lucky customers that happened to be there during lunch time at the Exxon Station on Hawthorne and 4th street. Jo loved flowers of all kinds but especially Daylilies and Rhododendrons. She also enjoyed growing vegetables in their garden and her watermelon patch. Jo was an avid sports fan and enjoyed watching football, college basketball and Major League Baseball. Her favorite all-time team was the Braves, with the Yankees a close second. She especially enjoyed watching the Braves win the World Series last year.
Margaret Hess Mordecai, 92, of Charlotte had been an artist all of her life and was a member of the Guild of Charlotte Artists and The Charlotte Art League. She was the recipient of numerous awards for her exhibits in Charlotte and throughout Western North Carolina. She had a career with Belk Department Stores in retail fashion illustration, retiring in 1994.
Ronald Allen Norelli, 76, of Charlotte grew his Charlotte-based firm, Norelli & Company, to become one of the most sought-after consultants in the region for small- and medium-sized corporate turnarounds. In 2017, the national Sigma Chi fraternity awarded him its “Significant Sig” designation to honor his lifetime of achievement in business and contribution to the community. Ron spent the last 35 years of his life as a member of First Presbyterian Church in Charlotte. He held numerous leadership positions both at First Presbyterian and earlier at Myers Park Presbyterian. He sang baritone in the choir every Sunday while a member at First Presbyterian. Ron combined his love for baseball and devotion to family by coaching his daughter Margaret and the 1993 Myers Park Trinity Softball All-Stars to the North Carolina State Championship. In addition to baseball, and being a bit too good at bowling, he fell in love with skiing later in life. His family estimates that he read 3,000 books during his lifetime.
Irene Freeman Ramsey, 100, of Richmond, Va., worked for several years as secretary to the director of national advertising at The Charlotte News. In 1945, John Lee Ramsey asked her to partner with him in establishing what would become Ramsey Refrigeration and Manufacturing Corp., where she served as vice president and secretary for nearly 40 years. In 1984, Irene began teaching kindergarten at Myers Park Presbyterian Church, and was for the next 15 years a beloved figure for children and fellow teachers alike, her warm nature giving joy and confidence to the children in her charge. She was a member of Myers Park United Methodist, where for many years she taught children’s Sunday school. She had a mischievous sense of humor and a marvelous sense of wonder for nature and the flowers and birds and wild animals that always delighted her.
Lynn Cutler Schnuck, 67, of Charlotte was a beloved educator with Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools for 27 years. She was a graduate of Indiana University. Her joy in life was spending time with family and friends.
Carl Eugene “Mookie” Smith, 68, of York, S.C., was employed by Sun Chemical in Charlotte for 30 plus years. Mookie was educated in Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools and graduated from West Charlotte High School. Mookie enjoyed playing corn hole, Phase 10, scratch offs and spades. Mookie loved sports and loved attending sporting events. He was a die-hard Indianapolis Colts, Carolina Tar Heels and Los Angeles Dodgers fan.
William Ray Summers, 68, of Charlotte attended Central Piedmont Community College and was a certified nursing assistant, working in a Charlotte nursing home until 2020. He also worked for Show Pros, helping with security at Panthers games and other events at Bank of America stadium. He was honorably discharged from the Army. William loved Carolina basketball and was an Atlanta Braves fan. William could recite every line of any episode of the Andy Griffith Show, discovered “A Christmas Story” years before it became a holiday classic, and enjoyed jazz and bluegrass music.
Harriet Byrd (Minichan) Thomas, 90, of Charlotte was employed at The Mole Hole Gift Shop of Charlotte for over 40 years and continued to work there until her death. She was an active member of the Christian Home Class at Providence United Methodist Church since 1964. Harriet was an avid reader, gardener and seamstress, and was accomplished in many styles of needlework.
Ways of Life condensed obituaries are compiled by Darrell Horwitz, a Charlotte-based freelance writer who writes about sports, local news and restaurants. Reach him at darrellhorwitz@gmail.com
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Ways of Life editor: Craig Paddock