A mother-daughter journey into mental health
Haley and Kate Weaver have a shared calling to raise awareness and advocate for mental health, and they're using their unique gifts to make a difference
The following article appeared in the October 7, 2024, edition of The Charlotte Ledger, an e-newsletter with smart and original local news for Charlotte. We offer free and paid subscription plans. More info here.
From struggles to strength: Haley Weaver’s illustrated memoir and Kate Weaver’s advocacy unite to raise awareness for mental health
In “Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety,” Haley Weaver (right) describes her generalized anxiety disorder as a “permanent, imperfect roommate.” Here, she sits with her mother, Kate Weaver. (Photo by Ken Garfield)
by Ken Garfield
To say that their journey began soon after Haley Weaver was born is no exaggeration.
“My parents tried to return me to the hospital,” Haley says, kidding of course.
“She was a fussy baby,” Kate Weaver says, no kidding there.
Thirty-one years later, mother and daughter could not have imagined that their love and struggles would inspire them to help others cope with mental illness.
Haley has published an illustrated memoir about her lifetime of anxiety. Kate closed her portrait photography business after 20 years to volunteer with the Charlotte chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Earlier this year, she was named its first executive director.
With Haley in Seattle and Kate in Charlotte, they are separated by 2,818 miles. In a heartbeat, their shared calling unites them.
Childhood struggles, adult worries: Anxiety clouds Haley’s first memories of growing up in Charlotte. Her parents would go on a date night and she’d wonder if they were coming back. At Myers Park Traditional School, she’d linger at the door of her kindergarten class, waiting for other kids to hide behind before walking into the classroom. Tags on her clothes had to be removed, they bothered her so much. She threw tantrums. She bit the inside of her cheeks as a child, her scars proof that the nervous habit lingers to this day.
As the first of their three children, this was new to Britt and Kate Weaver. From medication to talk therapy to practicing as much patience as possible, they did all the right things. Haley graduated from South Mecklenburg High, then Gettysburg College in Pennsylvania in 2015 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English literature. She swam competitively from age 5 through college. She was drawn to the fellowship and the routine. She loved how it made her feel physically. But still, she suffered from performance anxiety.
In 2017, she moved to Seattle in search of something. She had grown listless after two years of living in Charlotte following college.
Having long found solace in writing and illustrating, Haley bares her soul in “Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety.” She describes her generalized anxiety disorder as a “permanent, imperfect roommate.” In words and color illustrations, anxiety looks like a bug and talks like Haley’s better angel, turning her away from alcohol, internet rabbit holes, making excuses for her behavior and other unhealthy pursuits.
Life today is good, or at least better. The book has garnered national attention. Haley is newly married to Gideon. She laughs easily. She’s working on her next book, about what romantic love looks like. Still, she readily admits, the battle is far from won. “I worry about everything.”
A career shift: Who knows how many of Kate’s portraits of babies and families hang over fireplaces in Charlotte? She loved taking photographs that would last a lifetime. She loved Haley more.
First, she and Britt took the eight-week “Family To Family” class offered by NAMI Charlotte. The nonprofit’s signature program helps families manage stress, communicate with their troubled loved one, handle crises and find and use support services.
Then Kate trained as a support group facilitator, closed her business and began volunteering with NAMI Charlotte. Now, she’s the first and only staff member — an Energizer Bunny recruiting volunteers to teach classes, raising money and, most importantly, raising awareness of the impact that mental illness has on more loved ones, friends, neighbors and work colleagues than we know.
As Kate puts it, “I don’t want other families having to go through this alone.”
As Haley puts it, speaking of her mom’s mission, “I’m glad that my anxiety could fuel something good.”
A mother-daughter bond: Precious are those moments when Kate and Haley can be together as advocate and author, mother and daughter.
Over coffee and conversation while Haley was in town recently to speak at Queens University of Charlotte, Kate recalled buying reams of computer paper, crayons and markers when Haley was 4 years old and giving her license to draw. A blank canvas upon which to express herself, her mother called it.
When they were old enough, her siblings, Charlotte and Graham, joined her at the kitchen table. Who knew that Haley would grow up to share her demons in words and drawings? “Haley’s superpower,” Kate says.
Haley mentions the challenge of seasonal depression. So where does she settle? In Seattle, which averages 150-plus rainy days a year. She acknowledges the irony.
They each agree on the merits of therapy, and the need for society to shatter the stigma surrounding it.
They talk daily by phone, a comforting routine that stirs Haley’s younger brother to ask, “What can you possibly talk about?”
Mostly, at this point in their journey, words aren’t necessary. Kate and Haley just look at each other and smile.
Mental Health: At a glance
National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that one in five U.S. adults experience some form of mental illness each year.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 12.5% of U.S. adults age 18 and over deal with regular feelings of worry, nervousness or anxiety.
NAMI Charlotte (www.namicharlotte.org) offers free support groups, classes, resources and special events. A two-mile community walk to raise awareness of the mental health crisis starts at 10 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 26, at Mint Museum, 2730 Randolph Road.
“Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far — My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety” (Avery) is available at bookstores nationwide and online. Reach Haley Weaver at www.haleydrewthis.com.
Facing a mental health emergency? Call 911 or the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Ken Garfield writes often about mental health. He also writes obituaries, including in The Ledger’s weekly Ways of Life newsletter. Reach him at garfieldken3129@gmail.com.
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