Surviving the corporate jargon jungle
From 'deliverables' and 'decisioning' to 'learnings' and 'pulse checks,' why do workplaces opt for such cluttery words when they could employ simple, clear language?
The following article appeared in the October 19, 2024 edition of The Charlotte Ledger, an e-newsletter with smart and original local news for Charlotte. We offer free and paid subscription plans. More info here.
Navigating corporate speak: My battle against buzzwords and bureaucracy
Does your workplace use words like “synergy,” “level set” and “actionable”? If so, you might be a victim of language abuse, according to writer Page Leggett.
by Page Leggett
I once worked in the training department of a global financial institution. But instead of being called “the training department,” the group was cryptically known as “Enterprise Learning.” People used to ask if I ever ran into Captain Kirk or Mr. Spock at work.
Prior to joining this corporate behemoth, I’d worked for PR agencies my whole career. Our goal was to write and speak clearly.
So, I was unprepared for the language abuse I encountered once I became part of Cubicle Nation. Our company had as many words for “meetings” as the Inuit have for “snow.” There were deep dives, town halls, pulse checks, touch bases, All Hands and offsites (which were mostly held — ironically — onsite).
Often, someone would begin a meeting by saying they had a “hard stop.”
Assignments were “deliverables.” Urgent tasks — which were usually urgent because the boss had forgotten about them until the 11th hour — were “fire drills.”
People used “drinking the Kool-Aid” as if it were positive. (I told a few people that the origin of the phrase was the decidedly not positive Jonestown massacre, in which nearly 1,000 members of the Peoples Temple cult lost their lives after drinking a concoction of cyanide and a powdered drink mix. They kept right on saying it.)
I was once asked to produce a “four blocker” by “EOD.” I said I’d get right on it — as soon as the requestor explained what a four blocker was. (It’s a PowerPoint slide divided into quadrants.)
Another boss asked me for a “role clarity matrix.” I can’t even.
There was an ongoing debate at this company I knew about through a friend in the Corporate Communications department. The muckety-mucks couldn’t decide what to call the minions.
Some worried “employees” wasn’t personal enough and wanted us to be “associates” instead. Four blockers comparing the virtues of “associates” vs. “employees” were produced and discussed. During deep dives, of course.
How naïve I was to think I could move the dial just by telling folks that “learnings” wasn’t a word — but that “lessons” was. Or that hearing them say “decisioning” was like nails on a chalkboard. (Who “decisioned” that “decided” wasn’t good enough, anyway? I suspect a highly paid consultant used it to try to sound intelligent. And everyone blindly adopted the malaprop — or “drank the Kool-Aid,” if you prefer.)
Even intelligent, educated people would parrot the made-up words and corporate jargon they heard higher-ups use. I made it my mission to point out — and try to stamp out — jargon whenever I heard or saw it.
But it was hopeless. You can’t boil the ocean, as they say.
My Enterprise Learning teammates spoke of “learning solutions.” Early in my tenure, I asked a colleague, “Do you mean ‘classes’?”
She was stumped but said she’d reach out (another term I came to loathe) to her manager.
She circled back after running it up the flagpole to say “learning solutions” was the best-in-class term. And that was that.
I suggested that “learning solutions” was clunky. And worse, it was unclear. Opting for a simpler term — classes, training, workshops — seemed like, to use the corporate parlance, low-hanging fruit.
But I was never going to get buy-in.
Meaningless jargon and confusing acronyms had been baked in (another favored phrase) to the corporate culture.
For years, William Zinsser’s “On Writing Well” has been a go-to writing resource. I took my well-loved copy to work, but Zinsser’s good advice wasn’t appreciated by many. “Clutter is the disease of American writing,” he writes in one of my favorite passages. “We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills and meaningless jargon.”
Jargon, I discovered during my corporate days, actually does serve a purpose — although I think it’s a nefarious one. It separates the insiders from the outsiders. (“If you have to ask what a four blocker is, you’re not one of us.”)
Language can enlighten or confuse. It can be inclusive or intentionally leave people out. You’d think that people intent on “breaking down silos” would want to use language easily understood by all. But speaking in plain English isn’t in everyone’s wheelhouse.
When I was learning new vocabulary words in elementary school, I used to love using my fancy words with my parents in front of my little sister. “Moooooom, Blake’s being a ruffian and causing me consternation.” My sister had no idea what I was saying.
Much of the time I worked at Jargon National, I didn’t know what the people around me were saying, either. But they were speaking a language I didn’t care to learn.
Page Leggett is a Charlotte-based freelance writer. Her deliverables include deep-dive articles about arts and culture, healthcare and travel. Reach out to touch base with her at epageleggett@gmail.com.
🗣️ What’s your biggest corporate jargon pet-peeve? If you’ve got the bandwidth, think outside the box and connect with us on the topic. We might circle back with your responses in a future edition of The Ledger.
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